King of the douchebags

The man we bought this house from is a pretty big jerk. He threatened to pull out of the deal every two minutes and threatened to sue us every once and a while just to keep things spicy.

Now I find out that in addition to being an annoying jerk, he looks like a jackass. I know this because he plays an obscure sport for rich people (he is, I further learned, a club "pro" at this retarded sport) and he was recently featured in the magazine published by the national association of (let's pretend it's croquet, so I can just type that instead of being vague) croquet players. This magazine is addressed to "or current resident" so we keep getting it.

And there he is, grinning out at me from the pages of this glossy magazine like an arrogant wiener. He seems like the kind of guy who brings up his croquet prowess within the first three minutes of meeting people in order to impress them. Then he would challenge you to a friendly game, using the full croquet set he just happens to have in his car trunk, and nail your ass to the floor. I also think he's the kind of guy who would use pickup lines like, "if I wrote the alphabet, I would put U and I together." wink, wink.

In an effort to be fair, I will say that he does not actually have snaggle teeth, even though my nearly spot-on illustration above might lead you to believe otherwise. However, he does have those creepy ears.